Not just don't like being here, absolutely hate them.  I hate the smell of medication hovering over almost deceased.  I hate the shitty fluorescent lighting absolutely everywhere.  I hate the absolute negative feeling they give off.  They keep the maternity ward very far away from anything else, for obvious health reasons, but still the one happy thing that happens in a hospital happens in another fucking universe.

My grandfather is here, ICU in critical condition.  My grandpa is not suppose to be like this.  It really fucks things up big time in my head.  My grandmother has been in and out of hospitals consistently for the last five years.  I hate seeing her here but I always had grandpa to rely on keeping me somewhat okay, somewhat stable.  But now he is only semiconcious (which is more conscious than he has been for the last week) and he has tubes running into multiple parts of his body and is for the most part unresponsive.  He isn't in a position to help me stay strong for other people.  I can't lean on my grandma because she is more messed up about it than I am, understandably.  My mother has gone off the deep end and if she opens her mouth to me one more time I might just shove my fist into it.  This is hard on all of us.  We all rely on him just a little.  Or a lot. 

I hate hospitals and now I am sleeping in one.  Save what sanity I have left, get well soon Grandpa.

The Distressed Gekko

The Bronx, mosh, From First to Last, mosh, All that Remains, mosh and crowd splitting.

It was awesome...

Now however....i am burnt beyond burnt and sore like no tomorrow.

So I have made a pretty major decision in my life.

On Saturday, July 26th, 2008, I will be signing up for the US Army Illinois National Guard.

Why?

Well, one. 

It will get me back into school.

Two.

It is an income that I don't seem to have right now.

Three.

I will actually get off my ass and do something with my life.

So there you have it.  Your Gekko is doing something...

Wish me luck!